I am about to give a detailed account of my experience in watching The Passion of the Christ. For those of you that have not seen it and don't want to have the whole thing spoiled for you should skip this entry. Thank you

A crackle of thunder echoed from the screen and gathered every attention of every soul in the room. There were no trailers, no pesky ads, no one complaining about piracy, there was only the crackle of thunder and then the little emblem for Icon flashed in the left hand corner. The screen goes black and these words fade in:

"He was wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, by his strips we were healed..."

Then the words fade to show a harvest moon over looking a foggy garden of Gethsemane below. Every eye is glued to the screen. The kids (8-12 years) in front of me didn't even breath I think. Every seat was filled and every mind was of one accord. My first impression is that as the camera follows a path to reveal Jesus crying out in agony to God about what he is about to go through, it gave you a sense that you were spying or rather looking in on a scene you were not meant to see. Yes, you are a viewer but instantly you become like a shadow secretly seeing a humble man's heart poured out on the ground.

Satan lies in the shadows too. He is feminine yet not. His tongue is cunning and sly as he tries to lull Jesus into believing that the price is too high and one man can't possibly save the entire world. He lulls Jesus the same way he tries to lull us into making wrong decisions based on emotions instead of right and wrong. You could tell Jesus was struggling. As a man, Jesus could see how the task was enormous and it seemed unobtainable but as the Son of God, he was unmovable in his belief that God would have His way in the end.

My impression of Satan throughout the movie was one of utter disgust. He is like that thing you know is no good for you and will come to a bitter end but you want the satisfaction if only for a second. He had maggots crawling in his nostrils, his face showed no emotions, his eyes dark pools of evil, and was soooo manipulative. In the garden he sent a yellow python snake to slither and taunt Jesus as he wept on the ground crying out to God. Jesus' face was speckled with tiny splotches of blood like sweat. (his sweat became as blood they say...) Jesus rose to his feet still in turmoil and mental anguish, sets his face like flint as he looks into Satan's eyes and then with all his might stomps on the snake's head. (the serpent’s head shall bruise his heel...)

Next scene Judas is before the Sanhedrin bargaining over the price to turn Jesus over to them for heiracy and blasphemy. Thirty silver coins are agreed upon and in slow motion the coin bag is tossed to Judas. Inside I am crying, "Judas let it drop to the ground! Don't catch it! You don't know what your doing!" But Judas does catch the bag. The coins spill all around him and the leaders of temple laugh at him. Not for his bad catch but for his lack of loyalty to a friend.

Judas takes the temple guards to where Jesus is. It is as you would expect an expected capture to go. Peter and John were with Jesus. I just love Peter. We all have his spirit. You know the one that would go down fighting for what you believed in or for someone you loved with all your heart. That 'bull in a china shop' spirit that is full of honest intentions. As the guard tried to take Jesus, Peter stepped up and began to fight for Jesus' freedom. He even cut off the ear of one of the guards. Jesus was calm and looked concerned at the guard, picked up his ear off the ground and placed his hand on the side of the guards head. When the hand is pulled away, the guard's ear is completely perfect. As they seize Jesus, he commands Peter's restraint by saying, "Those who live by the sword... die by the sword." Peter relents.

So where is John? You know John... the one that is always bragging he is the disciple 'whom Jesus loved.' Well he had already got the heck outta dodge when Peter started to brawl. Ran like a scared girl. We all have that spirit to run in us too when things get tough.

The guards are pretty pissed off at Jesus now and as they chain him up and drag him to the temple they began to kick, punch, and jab him. Only one guard stays behind. He is the one that got healed. He is dumb struck and in awe. Speechless. He cannot be apart of any capture of Jesus so he doesn't move and is left behind.

Jesus in chains is kicked brutally and at one point it sends him hurling over a small bridge. The chain snaps hold of him at the torso and holds him inches from the ground. He cries out in agony. Jesus looks up and there is Judas under the bridge hiding. He is tormented by his betrayal and is paralyzed as Jesus looks him in the eye. The guards begin to pull Jesus up and back on the bridge. Judas is totally freaking out. Then he hears a sound and turns to see a shadowy demon hissing in his face and then disappear. Judas runs to the temple.

The Sanhedrin taunt and tease Jesus. They demand answers. The people demand answers from the Sanhedrin like: Why is this capture and trial taking place in the middle of the night? Why isn't all of the head priests and rabbi's present for this trial? What is trying to be done in secret? But the Sanhedrin head, Ciaphus, ignores all this. Witnesses come forward say that Jesus cast demons out of possessed people by the authority of other demons, that he healed the sick and lame with demonic powers, that he claimed to be the Messiah and the Son of God. Jesus gives no long speeches but stares straight ahead with one piercing brownish tan eye. His other eye is swollen shut from being punched in the face. Ciaphus finally asks Jesus if he is the Son of God and the Messiah. Jesus replies, "I AM..." The crowd goes crazy and begins to beat Jesus to a pulp. Mary watches in fear and says, "So it has begun... so be it."

The crowd starts terrorizing Peter and saying he is one of Jesus' disciples and should be punished too. Peter is so scared he denies knowing Jesus. He is totally ashamed of himself and runs. John has taken his place beside Mary and Mary Magdalene in the crowd. He is protecting Mary.

Judas runs back to the Sanhedrin and throws the money back at Ciaphus. He says, "I have made a horrible mistake. Please let Jesus go! He is an innocent man." Ciaphus only chuckles and says, "Take YOUR money and go." Ciaphus has wanted Jesus in his clutches a long time. Judas runs to the courtyard and seems to be loosing his sanity. Two children approach him and begin to taunt him. They jab him with sticks and their faces become distorted like little demons. More children/demons come and they chase Judas outside the city gates where he hangs himself.

The next morning the Sanhedrin take Jesus to Ponchas Pilot so that Pilot can give the order to have Jesus killed. Pilot finds no reason to kill Jesus and send him to King Herod who rules over the Galileans. Jesus is from Gallalie. King Herod, I am most assured is homosexual or bi-sexual. He is lover of pleasure and is spoiled rotten by riches. He only wants Jesus to perform some miracle for Herod’s own gain. Jesus refuses to respond to Herod’s teases and ploys so Herod calls him a fool and sends Jesus back to Pilot stating he finds no fault either. Pilot is at a cross roads. Caesar has already threatened to kill Pilot if there is any more bloodshed or uprisings in Jerusalem. If Pilot give the order to have Jesus killed then Jesus' followers will start a riot, but if he doesn't give the order then the Sanhedrin and Jews will riot. Either way, Pilot is a dead man.

Pilot decides to have Jesus scourged thinking perhaps this will satisfy the people.

This was the most horrific thing I have ever seen... this scourging. Remember how horrified you were when you caught the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. You know the scene at the beach. That was like a children's story compared to this scourging. Saving Private Ryan left my jaw dropped and in shock but this scourging... it left me ... changed forever. You saw each whelp the canes made. From Jesus' head to his feet. I immediately had a flash back of my own of all the beatings I received growing up by my father. Those were nothing compared to this. Jesus falls to his knees about 20 cane blows in. The Roman guards are thoroughly enjoying the pain their inflicting. Jesus rises again to his feet and this pisses the guards off so they get a better beating instrument. At first they pick up a stick with nails sticking out of the sides of it. My eyes widen. Then they lay it back down and pick up a whip. It has pieces of jagged metal and sharp glass tied on the ends of each string. The guard tests it out on a table. It snaps but gets stuck. the metal pieces wedge in the wood. The guard jerks the whip back and chunks of wood come up with it. The guard laughs evilly. Inside I am screaming, "NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!"

Mary watched it all. Jesus saw her standing there. He seemed to take some comfort in knowing his mother was there. Jesus has a flash back to a time he is building a table. A new kind of table. One that was tall and had tall chairs. A table for a rich man perhaps. People in the bible days always ate by sitting on the floor. Mary tried to humor Jesus but finally declared, "It will never catch on." Which offered some comic relief from the scourging. As they walked into their house to eat lunch Mary asked Jesus to wash his hands. She pours water on his hands and he cleans then an then playfully sprays his mother in the face. The audience laughs. Jesus is made into a real person.

Reality. The first strike sends 5 or 6 slices through Jesus' skin. Each about 5 inches long. Another strike and another. Over and over. One strike wraps around his face. The most gruesome strike is the one to his side. The whip digs into Jesus' flesh and won't relent. The guard tugs with all his might and huge hunk of flesh rips from the side of Jesus' body. You can now see three ribs exposes. I totally lost it. There were tears and snot and I wanted to scream, "YOU STOP IT! STOP HURTING MY JESUS!" What I was left with this: "Jesus I am sooooooooo sorry... sooooo sorry. Whatever my part... whatever I did... I am sorry. Sooooo sorry." Over and over again.

Finally it was over. Nothing left but a pool of blood. Pilot's wife approached Mary during the scourging and gave her fine linens to clean the blood up with. There was soooo much blood. Both Mary's begin to clean up the blood left behind. All I can think is "what precious blood." All I could do was cry. I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. Even the hardest heart was left in shambles.

Jesus is brought before the people again but they still want to crucify Jesus. Pilot is in awe of what they are asking. He looks at Jesus and then he looks at the people. He knows a wrong decision will get him killed by Caesar. He decides to make amends and to show good will to the people, Pilot gives the people a choice. That way they make the decision and not Pilot. Pilot could release one prisoner to the people for Passover. It was between Barrabus a murder and Jesus. Of course the crowd chooses Barrabus. Pilot is dumbfounded that they choose the murder over the innocent man. Pilot ceremoniously washes his hand and declares that Jesus' blood will not be on his hands. Jesus is sentenced to crucifixion.

The cross is huge and heavy. Jesus is wearing his tunic again. It must be excruciating to wear it after the scourging where his entire body is nearly skint alive. The Roman guards are cruel and they throw the cross on Jesus' back. Jesus struggles to carry the cross. It is a long journey to Golgotha (the place of the skull). The guards are beating him all the way. They have placed a crown of thorns where the long thorns are dug into his face and one eye. He is drenched in blood but he tries to carry his cross. The crowd are gathered around him. Cursing him. Spitting on him. Mary can't get close. John finds a way to get ahead of the crowd. Jesus falls again and again. Each time in agony. He falls before Mary and she has a flash back. As Jesus is falling she sees him as a child. He is running and playing and he falls down. He may be 3 or 4 years old. She runs to her child. She runs toward Jesus as he has fallen and the cross is crushing him to the ground. Both in reality and in her memory she is desperate to get to Jesus and protect him. At last she reaches Jesus through the crowd and goes to his side. She cries, "I am here, Jesus. I am here." Through it all Jesus weakly smiles and says, "Look mother, I make all things new."

I wanted to throw up right then and there. The sobs in the theater had turned to utter cries and I was joining in. This seemed so unfair. Even Tristian was borrowing tissues.

Mary catches a glimpse of Satan as he follows Jesus down the Via Dela Rosa (the way of suffering). He is drinking in the scene. Mary's eye follows Satan until he vanishes. Later Jesus sees Satan too and Satan is carrying a baby in his/its arms. When the baby turns towards the camera it has the face of an old man. It was a mockery.

Beaten so badly Jesus can no longer carry the cross and a person in the crowd is forced to carry the cross for him. This person is totally against getting involved in the crucifixion. But as he journeys with Jesus to Golgotha he for a moment is in the shoes of Jesus and begins to realize just who Jesus is. The man is terrified yet intrigued. Once Jesus and the cross are delivered to Golgotha the guards have to make the man leave Jesus' side.

The guards throw Jesus' cross down and slap him down on it. They tie one arm and open his right palm. They drive huge spike... not nail... spike through his hand. Blood gushes everywhere. It even drips through to the other side and down the back of the spike. One guard didn't like the way the first spike was done so he took over. He tied Jesus' arm down and began to pull. He pulled until he pulled Jesus' arm out of it's socket. The guard bragged, "That’s the way you do it!" I wanted to punch him. They then hammered another spike in his left hand and then gathered his feet together and put one spike through both his feet. Then they flipped the cross over so Jesus' face was in the dirt and hammered the spikes down so they would not come out. Then they threw the cross into a hole in the ground that would hold the cross in place. They weren't in the least gentle. The Sanhedrin made a special trip to the cross to taunt Jesus saying, "If your really the Messiah come down off that cross." Jesus could only pray, "Forgive them... they don't know what their doing."

There is no way I would be able to forgive at this point. No way. Jesus' heart must have been made of the purest gold to ever exist.

The other two men that were crucified beside Jesus were not even a tenth as battered as Jesus was. One cursed Jesus and the other declared he believed that Jesus was who he said he was. Satan must not have liked this because he took the form of a crow and landed on the believing guys cross and in an instance pecked his eyes out. The whole crowd gasped. It was awful.

Jesus stayed on that cross for hours. Scenes from his teaching to the disciples switched back and forth. Things he had said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Light. No man comes to the Father except through me." or "No man can take my life... for I lay it down." and "There is no greater love than a man lay down his life for a friend."

That is what Jesus had done. Laid down his life for a friend. For you, for me, and for the world.

Relief finally came when Jesus said, "It is accomplished." No sooner did Jesus get, "Father into you hands I place my spirit..." Jesus' one eye completely dilated and he was gone. His body went limp. The wind picked up scaring all the people. The earth started to quake and the temple was ripped in half and so was the Holy of Holy's curtain. The Sanhedrin were freaking out. Everyone was freaking out. The guards/soldiers went and broke the legs of the two criminals beside Jesus so they would die faster. When they got to Jesus they realized he was dead. The evil guard that pulled Jesus' arm out of socket handed a spear to another guard and said, "Make sure!" The guard rammed the spear into Jesus' side and water came rushing out like a sprung pipe. The guard was freaking out because he thought it was blood but he realized it was water.

Finally, they took Jesus down and Mary was there. She gathered him in her arms and held him. She wore a look of silent insanity on her face. My heart broke for her.

The final scene is one where sunlight is entering a tomb and the body wrapped in grave clothes is losing its form and disappearing. We see Jesus reappear beside it. There are a few claps from the audience. Jesus' face is set like flint once again. The music in the background that plays is not of celebration but of war drums. Jesus stands up and walks out of the tomb. He looks determined.

The entire audience didn't move as the credits began to roll. The lady to left of me was sobbing. Tristian on my right was looking green and sad. The teenagers beside him were bellowing out great sobs and big tears. No one moved. Everyone was stunned. The crucifixion was nothing like we had been told growing up. Nothing. We were faced with reality finally and we were utterly shocked. I don't think one person in that room will ever be the same. They will never watch another Jesus movie the same way. They will never celebrate Easter the same way with the same views. They will never erase the sacrifice that was made from their memories. Forever changed. That was what we were as we silently exited the theater with swollen faces and teary eyes. The next group in to see the movie that night starred at us in wonder. Concerned looks flashed across many faces. They didn't know what they were about to witness and I loved them all to much to not let them see it.

I finally realize what real unconditional love is. Thank you, Jesus. I am forever indebted to you.